Welp, the food and beverage industry just keeps getting weirder and weirder these days, and one of the strangest things that we’ve seen in quite a while is coming right out of Austin. 2XL Swagger Brands, helmed by appropriately named CEO Robert Tushinsky, has recently released a line of lusty liquor with their Pink Kitty and Easy Rhino drinks.
Naturally, the drinks have ridiculous names that one might call ‘provocative’ — if one were a 13-year-old trying their first sip of alcohol and first ‘coming of age’ experience in the same night. This really is the thing that ‘80s high school movies are made of, people.
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No, but seriously — Tushinsky told the Austin Business Journal that “The names of the liqueur brands come from Tushinsky’s love of animals. He said a portion of every sale will be donated to wildlife conservation.” Sure. That’s totally where he got the names from and not from every third rate box of enhancement pills on the shelves of GNC.
Their website reinforces this charitable sentiment, though it sounds a little sketchy: “order a shot of Easy Rhino Liqueur, a bottle of Easy Rhino Liqueur, or one of our delicious cocktails, and we will donate part of the proceeds to an endangered animal.” So just handing 20s straight to an orangutan or will the money go through an actual charity first?
Their site describes it as a “Lifestyle craft liqueur for him & her” — kind of like KY massage liquids that you get to drink! It goes on to describe the beverage in more detail, saying that both are:
Crafted to invoke intimacy and satisfaction through an infused erotic blend of traditional herbs passed down from ancient civilizations that are known to enhance and ignite moods of passion.
Basically, they’ve infused 70-proof vodka with ancient herbs like damiana, maca, and avena sativa to create sex drive in a bottle. But isn’t that what alcohol does anyway? How many West 6th Street bathrooms need to be defiled by randy Sunday Funday-goers for that point to come across? The idea that a few herbs in a bottle of vodka can make someone hornier than their normal levels is probably not one that is going to be endorsed by any licensed doctors — not even Dr. Oz.
So far the libidinous beverage is only available at downtown Austin venues including Amped, The Gatsby, San Jac Saloon, and Summit. So you know, tread lightly around any nearby bushes or parked cars when visiting those establishments.
We can just see it now — 2XL Swagger Brands standing in front of the panel of “Shark Tank,” like many Austin companies before them. Mark Cuban takes a sip and then says something wonderfully inappropriate, but more importantly rolls his eyes and calls the actual validity of Viagra in a bottle into question while simultaneously complimenting their marketing tactics.
Featured image courtesy 2XL Swagger Brands Twitter