There’s a new threat in Texas, folks. As if Ebola and the allegedly (imaginary?) Mexican branch of ISIS weren’t enough, we in the media are now being told to inform you all that there is yet another thing to fear in our state: “Kamikaze” moths dive-bombing this city’s Very Important People, right before Austin City Limits (ACL) Festival begins. Be afraid.
One unfortunate soul found out the hard way earlier today. Sadly, that soul happened to be Lindsay Hoffman, festival marketing manager for C3 Presents, the company behind ACL.
The City of Austin has temporarily banned public gatherings. Please stay home. The Austin.com calendar is only for live digital events at this time.
Austin’s ever-corageous KVUE reporter Tina Shively was on hand to capture the horror and devastation in the aftermath of this brazen attack on our freedoms and liberties. Watch below, if you can bear it (WARNING, TOTALLY NOT NSFW):
Notice how even the “mainstream” media is calling this new threat “kamikaze moths”? Take that to heart, because us reporter types NEVER, EVER engage in hyperbole or fear mongering. Ever.
God bless our first responders. Better keep the mothballs handy, festival peeps. Or Else.