Austin is a strange cultural oasis, in the middle of Texas of all places, that attracts people from all over. Needless to say, we got a nice brew of dudes here.
I’m a single gal in Austin and like my fellow Austin.com contributor Jon, who recently wrote about Austin women, I too have turned to the mobile dating app Tinder to meet more people. After swiping left and right on my mobile device about 200 times, I began to notice patterns in their fashion preferences and lifestyle choices.
This article is an attempt to list those patterns in order of prevalence. My evidence is based solely on profile pictures, not some scientific survey.
10.) Austin Men Like To Climb Mountains
Photo: Flickr user Andrew Hyde, creative commons licensed.
About 30 percent of the Austin profile pictures I viewed were of some hunky bros scaling the side of a rock or on top of a peak, boasting some freshly accomplished feat with a flag or a smile. Wonder if he’ll climb a mountain for me? Sigh.
9.) Austin Men Like To Cowboy Up
Photo: Flickr user Thomas8047, creative commons licensed.
I don’t think these guys are real cowboys, they just like to dress like ‘em. I should probably message one, ask him how a ranch hand uses a rubber band, and if he is clueless, I’ll explain. Then I’ll ask if I can demonstrate… On him.
8.) Austin Men Love Puppies
Photo: Flickr user ms.akr, creative commons licensed.
Any man who likes to cuddle and hug a puppy or dog can have my number. You can call me in the day time, you can call me in the night time… Or you can come over right now! Wait, I changed my mind. Let’s have coffee first? I’ll bring my dog, she’s an excellent judge of character. If she barks at you, we can’t hang out.
7.) Austin Men Have Been In Their Fair Share of Weddings
Photo: Flickr user ^ Missi ^, creative commons licensed.
Nearly half of the profile pictures I came across depicted Austin men in dapper suits or tuxedos, obviously participants in a wedding ceremony. I wonder if he was the best man? Could he be my best man?
6.) Austin Men Love Wearing Shades
Photo: Flickr user Rowan Gillette- Fussell, creative commons licensed.
If Tinder is to be believed, over half of Austin’s single men prefer to take selfies with their shades on, usually in a car or a bar. Occasionally you’ll find a shade selfie that was taken outdoors, with the subject looking far off into the distance, pensively, like some Hunter S. Thompson wannabe. I can’t see your eyes! Are you hiding something? How am I supposed to read your soul if you cover the windows?
Hit ‘next’ to see the rest.
5.) Austin Men Play Guitars
Photo: Flickr user Abby Gillardi, creative commons licensed.
It must be mandatory for Austin men to play guitar and sing on stage at some point or another. I want to say that at least 60 percent of the profiles I saw on Tinder featured musicians. Hey “Hendrix,” give me back-stage passes to your show! I promise to clap and scream extra loud. But no, I won’t be coming home with you.
4.) Austin Men Wear Long Hair and Beards
Photo: Flickr user Jim Wall, creative commons licensed.
Some of the long-haired fellas running around Austin look like they have never seen split ends, so I bypassed them on Tinder out of pure jealously. The bearded dudes can stay. However, the supply of dudes with dreadlocks in Austin is doing just fine. We don’t need anymore, thanks.
3.) Austin Men Work Out
Photo: Flickr user Spirit-Fire, creative commons licensed.
Austin dudes like to keep fit. I don’t. Maybe I should start using my bike? Or, maybe I should just go to a gym and gawk. HIS BODY IS SO TIGHT, IT MOTIVATES ME! Ahem. Nevermind. I’ll just stick to this cheesecake instead. At least I won’t have to worry about cheesecake drunk-texting me at 3 a.m.
2.) Austin Men Aspire to be Models or Actors
Photo: Flickr user Ryan Abel, creative commons licensed.
Forty-percent of the Tinder profiles I looked at featured professional head or body shots full of bright smiles and dreamy eyes. Some of these guys were prettier than me. I don’t like competition, nor do I want to fight for mirror space in the morning. Next!
1.) Austin Men Love Being Mysterious
Photo: Flickr user Morten Skogly, creative commons licensed.
The lack of an actual profile photo is the most maddening feature of many Austin dudes’ Tinder profiles. Instead, they’ll use random art portraits, paintings or Reddit memes. I think these guys wanted to test my ambition. I don’t have time to read your profile. In fact, I don’t have time to date.
Featured photo: Flickr user Sean Mason, creative commons licensed.